There's Something About Harry

You can think what you will about Twitter. Maybe its fun, maybe its useful, maybe its the best social networking development since penicillin.  But there is one thing that it is definitely good for . . . oh, what was it. . . what was I going to say . . mental block just now . . . .  Oh Yeah! .    Twitter is good for curing Writer’s Block! 

I was meandering around on my computer this afternoon, not getting enough done in a productive fashion and happened to hop on twitter just to see what the Haps was.

I stumbled on a short little comment from Warren Whitlock, a good friend of mine who co-authored the Twitter Handbook, and he was talking about how you can’t judge a book by its cover when the book is a Twitter User ID and the Cover is the user’s 3 precious numbers (Following, Followers, Updates).  Those numbers just don’t say a lot about a person in reality.

Well, now, I needed to break the block a bit and replied

@WarrenWhitlock twitter numbers have meaning when decoded by the Kabbalah & a 1st derivative of the I-Ching & 2nd derivative of a happy meal

Now, Warren is pretty quick on his twitter fingers and has a good sense of humor to wit, he replies

@brettbum so it’s not the quantity.. it’s the digits

and I then come back with

@WarrenWhitlock Exactly, and watch out when those digits are aligned in mystical ways-btw I recommend following @illuminati B4 they follow U

Now,that’s where I started to have a little fun.  Because I went out and investigated the Illuminati and realized that they were following no one and were followed by no one, which didn’t really jive to well, because the Illuminati are supposed to secretly control the world and should by rights be following everyone! (Insert Dr. Evil Laugh)

So I then seized upon the opportunity to be the first crazy person to follow the Illuminati.

Now some might think this is a fool hardy thing to do.  It can only invite trouble as the Illuminati types are devilish and likely evil bastards too.  But I do not fear the Illuminati, as long as Angelina Jolie is still around to defend me and I don’t buy those conspiracy theory qwacks that say that Angelina Jolie is in fact a member of the Illuminati herself.

 If that were true, then she’d probably have married some powerful Hollywood dude and had a pack of kids by now or something and that isn’t likely to happen any time soon.

Everyone knows she’s just like her character from Tomb Raider in real life. 

But anyway, I digress.

So the next thing I see on twitter is Scobleizer asking the twitterverse for nominations for the twitterer of the year.

I’m sure you see it too.  The opportunity was just to great to pass up, so I seized it and replied,

@Scobleizer I vote for @illuminati They actually follow everyone, but rigged their twitter stats to look like they are not.~Uber Geeks!

Now Scoble, who doesn’t tweet much(insert dripping sarcasm with good intent and humor), didn’t seem to have much to reply to that.  We’ve only met briefly a couple times, and probably can’t trust that I’m not an Illuminati agent myself, but more importantly he had to jump on Todd Cochrane’s show the 24hr Podcast with the similar domain name, geeknewscentral.com.  Now, I like Todd quite a bit and have known him for several years, but he lives in Hawaii and everyone knows that Hawaii is an Illuminati strong hold and all(not really, I’m just digressing along a line of free flow thought to continue breaking writer’s block into sub atomic pieces).

So where is all this going?

Well, nowhere really.  You didn’t actually think something out of the twitterverse would actually go somewhere did you?   

No, its just a good place to jump in and shoot the crap with people from time to time, with witty rejoinders and one liners, that help to maintain a little social touch on the intertubes, and that goes triple for a Saturday!

Want a Little More Non-Sense?

OK, so that wasn’t quite everything.  I had also been going back and forth on a slowly developing conversation with @JustJulie, who has a brand new heater in her place that isn’t working worth a damn.    She’s freezing in Las Vegas right now.  Apparently, things have gone from bad to worse for Julie, who was barely able to keep her place just below 70 degrees, and today can’t keep it any warmer than 50 degrees.

Now, I know next to nothing about heaters, so I’m pretty useless to her, other than to recommend getting the heater replaced or fixed and preparing to go after her contractor for the lemon.  But just when I thought I couldn’t be any more useless in the home heating department, I had a great twitter epiphany(code word for stupid idea formulated and stylized as a 140 character one liner that really only makes the writer of said joke smile or laugh and the rest of the twitterverse think you are a loon!).  It said,

@JustJulie I see a space heater in your future, until you can get your big heater fixed. That or possibly an over night stay on the strip

Oh, wait that wasn’t the funny one.  That was just a nice empathetic comment or something, here’s the funny one.  (note when ever someone tells you something that you are going to read next is funny, it is almost certainly not going to sound funny at all.  This will therefore almost definitely be the dumbest thing you read all day, and might even make you weep a bit if you think about it too deeply)

Recession Tip: @JustJulie Burn stripper trading cards to stay warm. Lots of those in Vegas & cheaper than fire wood.

Now if you aren’t familiar with the stripper trading cards in Las Vegas,then you haven’t been to Las Vegas and you are likely a better person for it.  If you really want in on what this is all about, my previous estimate of your character is likely 100% off base, and you just haven’t had a chance to get to Las Vegas where you could really fit in with the established crowd.  Regardless, here is a warning at VirtualTourist.com talking about this obnoxious form of advertising on the street in Vegas.

Here’s some video of some guys actually handing out the cards

These cards basically have nude pictures of strippers and maybe prostitutes too, on them along with essentially offers for you to ‘socially connect’ with said service providers and possibly exercise that oldest social networking technological break through that preceded twitter, by approximately 70 years or so, Penicillin.