Applied for Job in Position of Ass Kissing Weasel at Nail Communications (recently sourced by Vibram to promote barefoot running)
Its been 10 years since I last applied for a job and in the space of about 14 hours, I have now applied for 2!.
First, I sent off a message to Tony Post sking to pay him to let me work for Vibram USA. 
I sent off a introduction request through my Friend Michael Bayer of Utterli fame. He also worked in the venture capital industry in New England prior to Utterli.
Then I came across this quick press release in Adweek that a company called Nail Communications, a flash heavy marketing firm, had been sourced to create a micro site for Vibram FiveFinger shoes to spread the concept of barefoot running to the masses. So I did a quick search on Nail Communications to figure out who they were and found this very funny (saying that in a non kis ass way) job posting on LinkedIn.
At first glance, it looks like someone might have hacked their company linkedin account or something, but if you read the ‘But’ in the Job Description, you will see that they are actually trying to screen out Ass Hat weasels instead of hire them by the droves.
Sorry Social Media douche bags, they didn’t really want those kind of skills.
So of course, I applied.
I keep my LinkedIn profile up to date, but I don’t bother with a resume anymore. So being the prospective Weasel applying for this job, I didn’t include a resume. 
I’m basically looking for 3 things out of this
- I want to work with Vibram, directly, indirectly or whatever
- Any company with this wicked level of sarcasm has got to be a good company (probably a pitfall in there somewhere . . .)
- Who could pass up an opportunity to apply for this kind of job and still call themselves a blogger?
Here’s my cover letter for the job (don’t copy and paste it and apply yourself! It is now copyrighted by yours truly!
Greetings,
First I just wanted to say that your profile head shot is amazing! There are attractive people on LinkedIn and then there are people operating at a whole new level like yourself.
Second, I read a quick press release in Adweek mentioning that Nail Communications has landed the Vibram account. When I did a Google search on Nail Communications this job posting came up. My first impression is that Nail Communications must have a rogue ex-employee still operating the controls of the company Linkedin Profile. Then I realized that in actuality someone just had a good sense of humor.
Regardless, I want to work on the Vibram account. Just last night, around I sent a connection request through my friend Michael Bayer asking for an introduction to Tony Post. In the letter to Tony, I basically said that I wanted to help him in any capacity, money was no object, I’d pay anything!
I have been running in Vibram FiveFinger shoes since September, and I am sold on their functionality hook, line and sinker. I drove about 800 miles each way to buy my second pair at a store that stocked KSO Treks.
Over the years, I have worked in many fields including intelligence, sales, taxes, accounting, finance, contract management, process management, account management etc. My customers and accounts have included Verizon Wireless, Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Dick’s Sporting Goods, The Sports Authority, Office Max, Office Depot and more.
In new media, social media and the blogosphere, I have worked as a writer, ghost writer and product evangelist for the last four years.
I have not been to Rhode Island before, but no my way around an airport and the interstate system. I work from a wifi dock office (fishing dock on a lake across the water from Charlotte, NC).
I would love to help on this project, because this product is rock solid and needs all the help it can get. It has great word of mouth momentum, but that type of momentum can rapidly turn against a brand or product if its not harnessed and managed quickly. There is some evidence that this could already be happening due to product shortages and slow responses on the facebook group among other things.
Best Regards,
Brett H. Bumeter, llm
OK, fun is over, now back to the daily grind of working by the lake…
seriously wish it would stop raining, I need to go running and put some miles on my toes…
Twics – Twitter Comics find a Twomedy Home
Just when you thought there couldn’t be more stupid combinations of partial names that mean nothing and even less when mixed with the word twitter, well the Chicago Tribune has come to your rescue with a new word, Twomedy.
Twomedy is the practice or engagement of a comedic mind who chooses to express themselves in 140 characters or less on Twitter in hopes of never being discovered, not ever.
On twitter almost anyone can be funny. You can have your nanosecond of fame if you can just whip out a witty one liner every day or 3 raising the temporary mirth level in the twitter stream until some fan boy or girl wets themselves over the latest deep insight from some johnny-come-not-so-lately social media titan with 20k twitter followers of which 18,500 are questionable.
What the hell am I blabbering about?
Nothing really and I’m doing it in more than 140 characters. Here are some people that are reaching out and tickling some ribs though.
- "i like my women like i like my beer: tasty, rich, kinda thick, a little malty, almost empty, comes in a box, recyclable, what was i doing??/" – @tehawesome
- "I love watching my wife sleep, but it feels a bit like stalking. Maybe I should try it from in the bed, instead of out here in the bushes." – @toldorknown
- "I like the communion wafers that stick to the roof of your mouth because I really like to savor my Savior." – @Aimee_B_Loved
- "With thousands of car salespeople being put out of work today, panhandlers are about to get a whole lot pushier." – @BlueLanugo
- "Listen, Batman. You can call it a "utility belt" all you want. I know a fanny pack when I see one. Just hand me the wet-nap and shut up." – @sween
- "Wife put crock pot cooking corned beef dinner near open window. Had to beat three Leprechauns and two Kennedys off the window sill." – @giromide
- "Are the employees at the Post Office immortal? Because that would go a long way towards explaining their lack of urgency." – @joeschmitt
- "Hit 9 bikers on the way to work this morning. Love the quiet ride of the hybrid. We get points for this at the end of the week, right?
- "Either cartoon ladies are getting way hotter or I need to keep this kind of thing to myself." – @hotdogsladies
- "Follow your dreams. …Did anyone see a Zooey Deschanel made of donuts come through here?" – @luckyshirt
Robin Williams they are not, but they do show that almost anyone can be amusing from time to time and some of us time and time again even. They may not be stand up material. Their timing may be non-existent, but they are human and have a sense of humor. Who knows maybe twitter will actually even become useful some day. . . .
Palin Uses Ploy Conceived by Lincoln
Palin Uses Ploy Conceived by Lincoln-Trick Your Opponent into Believing that You Didn’t Give Birth to Your Baby
Full text at
http://www.viralgrapevine.com/…your-baby/
Mobile post sent by brettbum using Utterz. Replies. mp3
There Were Jerry’s Kids and then Bill Clinton’s Kids
I love this one, even though I can’t look at the picture for very long. I received this great viral email tonight.
Some people ask me, “what is a viral email?”
Answer: Its basically something short of spam that gets sent all over the internet via email to everyone and their brother. Often it is sent more than once, every 3-5 years even.
The Setup
Washington DC women were recently polled and asked if they would sleep with Bill Clinton.
Approximately 84% of women responded (with a margin of error of 3%) that
They would not sleep with Bill Clinton “Again”
I wonder why that is?
I was never a fan of the former President. In fact bringing him back to Washington strikes me as something slightly worse and short of using a reverse colon cleanser on our nations capital. I am positive that the area dry cleaners will be happy to see him return, while the NYC dry cleaners will morn the day he leaves Harlem.
I guess its a good thing that the former President does not reside in a Sharia law state or else they would probably stone him before sun down. . .
That said, these new Bin Laden Burkas are getting a little more sexy.
Batter Up, Its Bill Clinton batting .459 against blue material. Burtha Bin Laden winds up for the pitch, he hits, he shoots (sports metaphors get twisted) he scores, she’s a legend and Osama Bin Laden Cuts his own throat.
There’s Something About Smooching and Nom de plumes
This evening I was not expecting it, but I suddenly ended up with a new Nom de plume. Its been a couple years since I was given a good nom de plume (Harry which was then used to launch this site. For those of you that have missed the quarterly hint or confession that Harry is my middle name, well there you have it).
I also go by brettbum which is a run together of my first name and part of my last name. Something that was automatically put together as an id a couple decades ago for a company and computer system that no longer exist. It was easy to remember and I used it for some of my email addresses years later.
When I was a teenager working in sales, I briefly (and successfully ) used the nom de plume of Brad Rubenz. That worked like a charm and I have no idea why although I suspect that MC Hammer might have had something to do with it as ‘Can’t Touch This’ was at the top of the charts at the time.
Tonight, I was given the nom de plume of Brett Pitt.
I was in a nice little town hall meeting and came up with the goofy idea of setting up an internet kissing booth. Never being the type of person to stop myself from letting a goofy idea or a joke go too far, I promptly did set up that internet kissing booth at http://PaidToSmooch.blogspot.com
My first customer then jokingly referred to me as Brett Pitt in one of the comments. 
That seemed like a fine opening for a new Nom de plume (as opposed to my new porn name, a sure fire ticket to hang out with hot coworkers wearing fine lingerie or something . . . or nothing) and so I ran with it.
Of course that meant feeding my domainer addiction and so now I am the proud owner of the domain brettpitt.com (still parked and nothing to see there yet). Maybe I’ll use it for celebrity gossip or finally start doing a little stand up comedy using my new nom de plume.
One thing is for certain, I’m going to have to work on my abs if I’m going to get anywhere with that name in comedy or porn!
So if you want to hop over and visit the kissing booth, be my guest. Its only a quarter to kiss the Pittster!
Name that Author – Its a Dangerous Thing Going Out Your Front Door
I’ve been catching up with a number of blogs today as I temporarily pause from reconfiguring my office and writing correspondence in response to many of the people and companies that I met at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this week.
While casually surfing through Blog Explosion (earning a few surfing credits too) I came across a quote from one of my favorite authors (on a site with a picture theme that looks like something out of a Camelot fantasy book or something (snores).
The Quote
It’s a Dangerous Thing Going Out your front door
was featured as a caption below the title or something on this site. I recognized it for the book that it came out of right away, a book that might become a movie sometime soon now that the legal battle in the courts seems to be over.
The thing that struck me is that the quote is actually kind of obvious, but not so obvious are the quotes that could have been
Its a Dangerous Thing going out your front window
or
Its a Dangerous Thing going out your neighbors back door with your neighbor’s wife’s gold bangle caught in your hair
or
Its a Dangerous Thing repelling out your third floor bedroom window head first and holding onto a rope with one gloveless hand like a character in The Musketeer choreographed by Yin Yin himself!
That’s right, not too many people would make those connections right away!
So anyway, without Googling for it, can you name the author or the book that quote comes from? How about the character in the book responsible for the quote?
Customize Your Sites theme today!
You don't need any programming experience to design Custom WordPress Themes. :)
