Applied for Job in Position of Ass Kissing Weasel at Nail Communications (recently sourced by Vibram to promote barefoot running)

Its been 10 years since I last applied for a job and in the space of about 14 hours, I have now applied for 2!.

First, I sent off a message to Tony Post sking to pay him to let me work for Vibram USA.    I sent off a introduction request through my Friend Michael Bayer of Utterli fame.  He also worked in the venture capital industry in New England prior to Utterli. 

Then I came across this quick press release in Adweek that a company called Nail Communications, a flash heavy marketing firm,  had been sourced to create a micro site for Vibram FiveFinger shoes to spread the concept of barefoot running to the masses.  So I did a quick search on Nail Communications to figure out who they were and found this very funny (saying that in a non kis ass way) job posting on LinkedIn.

At first glance, it looks like someone might have hacked their company linkedin account or something, but if you read the ‘But’ in the Job Description, you will see that they are actually trying to screen out Ass Hat weasels instead of hire them by the droves.

Sorry Social Media douche bags, they didn’t really want those kind of skills.

So of course, I applied.

I keep my LinkedIn profile up to date, but I don’t bother with a resume anymore.  So being the prospective Weasel applying for this job, I didn’t include a resume. 

I’m basically looking for 3 things out of this

1. I want to work with Vibram, directly, indirectly or whatever
2. Any company with this wicked level of sarcasm has got to be a good company (probably a pitfall in there somewhere . . .)
3. Who could pass up an opportunity to apply for this kind of job and still call themselves a blogger?

Here’s my cover letter for the job (don’t copy and paste it and apply yourself! It is now copyrighted by yours truly! 

Greetings,

First I just wanted to say that your profile head shot is amazing!  There are attractive people on LinkedIn and then there are people operating at a whole new level like yourself. 

Second, I read a quick press release in Adweek mentioning that Nail Communications has landed the Vibram account.  When I did a Google search on Nail Communications this job posting came up.  My first impression is that Nail Communications must have a rogue ex-employee still operating the controls of the company Linkedin Profile.  Then I realized that in actuality someone just had a good sense of humor.

Regardless, I want to work on the Vibram account.  Just last night, around I sent a connection request through my friend Michael Bayer asking for an introduction to Tony Post.  In the letter to Tony, I basically said that I wanted to help him in any capacity, money was no object, I’d pay anything! 

I have been running in Vibram FiveFinger shoes since September, and I am sold on their functionality hook, line and sinker.  I drove about 800 miles each way to buy my second pair at a store that stocked KSO Treks.

Over the years, I have worked in many fields including intelligence, sales, taxes, accounting, finance, contract management, process management, account management etc.  My customers and accounts have included Verizon Wireless, Wal-Mart, Best Buy, Dick’s Sporting Goods, The Sports Authority, Office Max, Office Depot and more.

In new media, social media and the blogosphere, I have worked as a writer, ghost writer and product evangelist for the last four years. 

I have not been to Rhode Island before, but no my way around an airport and the interstate system.  I work from a wifi dock office (fishing dock on a lake across the water from Charlotte, NC).

I would love to help on this project, because this product is rock solid and needs all the help it can get.  It has great word of mouth momentum, but that type of momentum can rapidly turn against a brand or product if its not harnessed and managed quickly.  There is some evidence that this could already be happening due to product shortages and slow responses on the facebook group among other things.

Best Regards,
Brett H. Bumeter, llm

 

OK, fun is over, now back to the daily grind of working by the lake…

seriously wish it would stop raining, I need to go running and put some miles on my toes…